“Bros, I dey hail oh”
“I dey greet. What’s up?”
“We couldn’t finish our gist last week. But since then, so much has happened. That is why I am calling. Just to pick your brains, bro.”
“You will have to let me finish this bowl of hot piping amala and orisirisi before it gets cold, and then we can talk.”
“You and food. Apparently, there is no food inflation on your side. With the serious food inflation in the country and the cancer of hunger messing up many families under Tinubu, you still get a chance to swallow dollops and draw soup.”
“It is God. Even though I walk in the valley of the shadow of death…Psalm 23 is sufficient for every child of God. In the midst of darkness, and enemies, the good Lord provides for His own. Let me enjoy my amala and ewedu soup. When I worship my stomach, I am also invariably worshipping God and preparing for heaven. Not to deceive you, this amala is going to the very right parts of my stomach”
“Glutton. Wackie and quench”
“Hmm. Ha..Uh. Hu. Ech hen. Hen Hen. Who did you say killed the mother of Jesus Christ? Ha. Ha aaa”
“Food will not kill you one day. You better drink some water.”
“Hen. Hen Jesus is Lord”
“I am actually trying to tell you that the Lord has done it. Port Harcourt Refinery is now working at 70 to 90 percent. The Old refinery is back on stream. The new refinery will join shortly and Warri refinery too. We should be joyous. The Nigeria Labour Congress (NLC) has been put to shame. And it is a bigger shame that they have not deemed it necessary to congratulate President Tinubu and NNPC Limited who have both fulfilled an important pledge.”
“The Labour Congress is not a chorus group. Not an alleluia group like the National Assembly. They are a pressure group, an advocacy movement. You are asking for too much”
“When government does something that is good, we should be able to say so. It is not every time that we condemn and dismiss. We should be fair.”
“There is nothing to be fair about. There are questions that have not been answered. What exactly have they completed? The old refinery or the new. A refinery or a blending plant, relying on Crack 5 from Eleme Petrochemicals now known as Indorama? Who has lifted what? I hear marketers are not yet loading trucks”
“I hear trucks are being loaded”
“Has anybody talked to the elders and youths for whom petrol production is the mainstay of their community?”
“Which community? This is not about community youths and elders looking for hand-outs or royalties or whatever they call it. Oil refining is a sophisticated business. It has no room for street urchins, claiming Nigeria’s oil belongs to their forefathers. This is technical business, not a project for village thugs”
“Be careful. In everything you must carry the people along.”
“Look. Look, the people are oftentimes the problem. Everything that government tries to do for the common good, some people just think it is their lifetime ambition to sabotage everything.”
“More like some people in government suffering from executive arrogance, and we see it all the time. If the people ask questions, you explain to them. Is the refinery already loading products or not? Simple answer.”
“We live in a country where some people don’t want to see anything good in government. Negative people. I listened to one Mr. Tony Ogbuigwe on Arise News discussing this same subject. He is President, Society of Chemical Engineers. He explained everything. He was formerly in charge of the Port Harcourt Refinery. He spoke like an expert, but Nigerians refused to listen. Some people still came on the same TV station the following day to just talk.”
“Mr. Engr. Ogbuigwe spoke for himself. I am not duty-bound to accept his thoughts.”
“You are an Obidient, what else do I expect from you? Is that not the same attitude you people have brought to the issue of tax reform? Four brilliant bills sent to the National Assembly by the Federal Government to reform the tax regime in the country, look at all the confusion you naysayers have generated. Senators from the North are kicking. Northern Governors Forum and the National Governors Forum think the bills are against them. Even Northern Youths are fighting any Northern Leader like the Deputy Senate President, Barau Jibrin who asks for tax reform.”
“Are the Northern youths also Obidients?”
“They are behaving like that. People are all speaking out of mischief and ignorance. I suspect foul play over a subject that should not generate any problem. Mr. Taiwo Oyedele, Chair of the Presidential Committee on Tax and Fiscal Policy and FIRS Chairman, Dr. Zacch Adedeji and others went to the National Assembly to make a presentation on the four bills, Senator Ali Ndume, Senator Abdul Ningi and others staged a walk-out claiming that the presentation was not on the Order Paper for the day.”
“Yes. They were right. Government must learn to do things the proper way.”
“So why did they come back?”
“Because they are more interested in the common good.”
“Leave that matter. Ningi and Ndume have an axe to grind. Ningi was suspended from the Senate for a while. Ndume was removed as Chief Whip. You think they will be happy? The one that surprised me is Professor Baba Gana Zulum going on television to protest. A Professor. Somebody that we all like.”
“Because you all like him, he should not have an opinion?”
“I expected that someone like him would have read the Bills. How would he say openly that if the bills are passed, there would be consequences for the people? Oyedele and Adedeji in their presentations have made it clear that the four tax bills will promote inclusion, equity, fairness and justice. It will defend the interest of the poor. It will task the rich to pay more. It will promote Small and Medium Scale Enterprises. It will change the formula for tax administration. Every state will get 50%, the Federal Government 10%, local councils 35%. Distribution to the states and local governments will be on the basis of derivation. And every state will collect what its people consume through sales tax. No state will collect taxes on imports and exports and international services. Fair enough. I believe the tax reform will encourage competition. Why should Sokoto state or Zamfara collect VAT on beer that is consumed in Lagos, when people in Sokoto and Zamfara are not allowed to drink beer?”
“Very good. Executive arrogance minus political intelligence. This is what we are dealing with here. Not so?”
“There will be public hearings. The Bills have not been passed into law yet. Did you see Oyedele on TV yesterday? He gave brilliant explanations.”
“We have seen kangaroo public hearings in this country. The Federal Government should have carried stakeholders along. Organize a robust debate. The Oyedele committee should also have spoken to the public.”
“It did”
“To APC members?”
“There was consultation with Governors”
“We know about such consultations. But the Governors are saying not all of them were consulted and they needed more time to understand the bills. Professor Zulum asked the right question: why the rush? Let nobody give the impression that once Tinubu decides, then it is done. This is a democracy. We, the people, have the right to ask questions. Nobody should blackmail us into anything.”
“Nobody is blackmailing anybody. Lazy Nigerian Governors must learn to be productive. President Tinubu wants to teach them to compete and be productive in their states.”
“Okay. The headmaster knows it all. He should just be careful, especially now that members of his own party are beginning to criticize him openly. He has not spent two years in office, his party members are questioning his judgement.”
“Who are those ones?”
“Jesutega Onokpasa for example”
“Who is he to criticize Tinubu?”
“He is Chairman of the Tinubu Media Support Group”
“Who knows him? Let him go and sit down”
“This is the arrogance that I am talking about. By the way, is the President back from France? They told us he would be away for two days on a state visit. I hope he has not gone missing again for a few more days after a fashion?”
“Are you alright? Show some respect please.”
“I asked a simple question. If he is back, yes. If he is not back, No.”
“Google it. He is in South Africa for a bilateral meeting”
“From France straight to South Africa. I know he is the country’s Chief Foreign Policy Officer. I know that economic diplomacy is important. But he cannot travel every market day looking for investors. He must stay at the market and man the stall too. Over 30 trips in less than two years. Haba.”
“Investments and diplomacy are critical parts of his assignment.”
“Accountability is also part of his responsibility. And how would the four tax bills help to attract foreign investments too?”
“Stop beating yourself over nothing. Presidential powers can make anything happen. Look at President Joe Biden of the United States. He has just pardoned his son, Hunter Biden and he hopes all Americans will understand where he is coming from. The fellow was convicted in two cases of federal felony: a gun charge in Delaware and tax convictions in California. His sentencing was scheduled for December 12 and 16. Ahead of that, his father has granted him full and unconditional pardon, not just for the two criminal offences, but also for any offence that he may have committed, or may be suspected to have committed between January 1, 2014 through December 1, 2024.”
“The man simply transferred his immunity to his own son, and saved him from going to jail. This is the same man who in June categorically ruled out a pardon or a commutation for his son. He said he would abide by the jury’s decision”
“That is what it means to be a President. And Biden is not the first American President to use presidential powers to protect a relative. In 2001, President Bill Clinton pardoned his half-brother, Roger Clinton who was in jail for a cocaine-related offence.”
“I stand with Donald Trump in this matter. It is an abuse of Presidential powers. It is a miscarriage of justice.”
“Which Donald Trump? Kettle calling pot black. In 2020, Trump as President pardoned Charles Kushner, the father-in-law of his daughter Ivanka. He has just named the same Charles Kushner as his Ambassador-designate to France. If you were President Joe Biden, you will open your eyes and allow a judge to send your son to jail because you want to be seen to be upright? If you were in his shoes, you will leave office and allow your son to be in jail under a President Trump? He was very clear. He said his son was singled out and that there had been a miscarriage of justice”
“Pardoning his son casts a pall over his legacy.”
“So be it. When you become President, don’t use the powers God has given you. Allow your opponents to ride roughshod over you. The problem with governance is actually the people, particularly journalists who will not mind their business.”
“Journalists are not supposed to mind their business. Any journalist that minds his or her business is not a journalist.”
“And that is why journalists get knocked on the head. I am a journalist. I am a journalist. That was how Fisayo Soyombo found himself in army detention in Port Harcourt. He was lucky the social media cried out. He could have disappeared for a whole year before anybody will trace his whereabouts.”
“Soyombo, founder of the Foundation for Investigative Journalism (FIJ) is not just a journalist. He is one of the finest in the trade. He is a courageous investigative journalist who exposes the underbelly of corruption in our society. A man of courage who has exposed the criminal practices in prisons, the mistreatment of soldiers at the warfront, vehicle smuggling across the border and the inefficiency of the police. He was on duty in Port Harcourt to investigate the menace of illegal oil bunkering and crude oil theft. Rather than arrest the oil bunkerers, Nigerian soldiers arrested him and allowed the oil thieves to go scot-free. Is that what you recommend?”
“If you make yourself a suspect, you can be arrested and interrogated. What is wrong in that?”
“What is wrong is that in this country the good guys get punished, the bad guys get a pat on the back. The army interrogated Soyombo and before they released him, they had reported everything he said to the oil thieves, thus placing him in harm’s way.”
“You have no proof. There is always another side to any story.”
“He was very specific. He mentioned names.”
“Who?”
“You should know. I think you always hear and see things.”
“I hear President Biden is visiting Angola, keeping his promise to visit sub-Saharan Africa before he leaves office. I am surprised he is not visiting Nigeria on his first visit to Africa.”
“What does it matter? He is leaving anyway. He has less than two months in office before he leaves the White House. And you can be sure when that visit is over, he will go straight back home… Maybe Trump will visit Nigeria.”
“He will come and visit you at home”
“Yes. Why not? He is after all, our in-law”
“I also hear the Federal Inland Revenue Service (FIRS) has directed the money deposit banks and the Fintech firms to start charging Electronic Money Transfer Levy of N50 on any electronic inflow of N10, 000 and above.”
“For what? Why?”
“To generate revenue for government distribution”
“No. To further tax the people and punish them and to create another avenue for corruption. Distribute our money to which government? What do they ever do with all the taxes? I am willing to pay tax but I want to be sure that what is taken from me is used to build roads, fund education and healthcare and promote the common good, not the greed of government officials.”
“Nobody has ever liked the tax man. This is the real issue.”
“The real issue is President Tinubu saying Nigerians lived a fake life before he became President. He has forgotten he was part of that fake world too.”
